No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
