the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
