Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
