you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
