i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
