We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wear drunk well.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
