My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
