Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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