It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
