Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
this will be a night to untag.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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