If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
