Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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