The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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