I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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