I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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