That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
