Pappa wants mamma naked
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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