you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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