Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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