I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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