Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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