My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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