It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
