i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
