Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Randomize
