I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
