At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
