Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
