I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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