Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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