Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
