Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
BRING THE BAGELS
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
