I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
