If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
