erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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