i just wanna soil my oats bro
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
