Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
