Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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