Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm passing your future prison.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
