her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
