At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
