Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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