i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
