So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
