She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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