The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
