the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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