i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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