ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
