her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
