you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
