I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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