dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
