I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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